About 17 years ago to store some of my performing kit I began using a heavy old suitcase that had belonged to my grandfather. The last time I remember seeing it was about 11 years ago. I thought I had long since lost the case and all of its odd contents until this morning when it turned up at my in-laws home.
Excellent! A wonderful suitcase (pleased: both me and Nadine) and an assortment of...things...accumulated over time (pleased: me. Eye-rolling: Nadine).
What treasures awaited? Here's a partial list.
pair of vintage plaid trousers
badly squished but good quality red bowler hat
three purple juggling stage balls
three Cuban cigar boxes
plate of plastic food from Japan: rice, chicken croquets and gravy
four slices of plastic beef
a bag containing:
set of red sponge balls
balloon pump
plastic champagne glass
broken Japanese mobile phone
two clown noses
6" long rubber tongue
one set of rubber frog's legs that you stick in your mouth so the legs are hanging out - you then wiggle a lever with your tongue to make the legs move (another proud purchase from a 100Y shop in Japan)
one whoopie cushion
two TTs (magicians will know)
one 'nail through the finger' trick
one rubber snot-dripping nose prosthetic (again, 100Y shop)
one set of critter eyes for hand puppets
one cassette of 1930s boogie woogie music: Albert Ammons and Pete Johnson
There's also...
clown horn
floppy Salvador Dali-esque clock
45 ballpoint pens
fake Dali moustache
one rubber bald-head
six rubber eggs
half a dozen small magic tricks
three more clown noses
another balloon pump
two rubber juggling balls
an enlarging-$2-bill trick (useless since the advent of the toonie in 1996)
two rolls of coloured duct tape
hiking blister kit
rubber ventriloquist's mouth-and-tongue puppet
fire-starting flint and steel set
broken fork (deliberately)
cap-gun (with four still-working shots left. There were five until ten minutes ago)
pair of silly glasses
tin of exploding-cigarette loads
Oh - here's another cigar box. This one has...
six boxes of matches
two nose-flutes
another flint and steel set
referee's whistle
ten band-aids
I would forgive you for thinking that in my younger days my show revolved primarily around silly things made of latex. In fact the vast majority of the things lurking in the suitcase were bought on a whim because they made me laugh (and, yes, think 'Wow - I could do something great with that!').
I was deluded. Almost all of it has gathered dust.
Though I'm looking at the plastic food and thinking, 'You know, that still makes me giggle.'